قصائد مترجمة | شعر مريم مشتاوي | When Mariam Cries Mariam Michtawi Translated by Jake Gordon

ديوان حين تبكي مريم مترجم للانكليزية

When Mariam Cries

Mariam Michtawi

Translated by

Jake Gordon

London Arabic Publications Ltd

32 Bloomsbury Street

London WC1B 3QJ

England

London Arabic Publications Ltd

Website: www.londonarabicpublications.co.uk

Email: [email protected]

Tel: +44(0)207 299 4333

1st printing 2015 2-02-909069-1-ISBN 978

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechnical, photocopying or otherwise, without the prior written permession of the authors and the publisher.

Contributors

Cover Design

Waleed Al Temmimi

Editing Team

Hussein Tahssein

Isobel Ovenden

Shehab Eltawil

Production control

Amr Azap

A word from Mariam

When we lose those who are dearest to us, the world is constricted into a tiny drop of ink, which rolls before stopping stubbornly before the word: "forgetting".

A faithful drop of that which remains of our marginalised arrogance, after a long struggle between reality and the image that we ourselves have drawn in our depths.

An image we have not been able to abandon with ease...

Mariam Michtawi

Poems

1. Why Do I Love You?

2. I Continue Alone

3. A Civilisation Away

4. Between Two Roses

5. The Season Of Apples

6. Love

7. Desolation

8. The Dough Of Absence

9. In Wartime

I Love You More

10. Rebellion Of Love

11. Waiting

12. The Bride

13. Tomorrow

14. Prayer Of A Syrian Woman

15. In The Detention Camp

Poems

16. Mother’s Day

17. A Memory

18. Shahrizard’s Sunset

19. Night Of The

Winter Memories

20. The Little Shoe

21. The Bridge

22. Memory

23. How Will I Bear The

Coming Of Eid?

24. The Temple

25. The Visitor

26. Nymph

27. Farewell

28. Whispering To You

29. The Ceremonies of Farewell

30. Crying

Poems

31. Café By The Sea

32. One Green Leaf

33. The Little Tent

34. Something

35. Your Little Hand

36. When Mariam Cries

37. I Do Not Sleep

38. Anthony… Do Not Cry

39. What Do Children Do

In The Sky?

40. Blessed Are The Barren

41. I Sat Upon The Rock

42. The Love Fell

1. Why Do I Love You?

As the night bursts forth

From the spices of the sea,

Your name is repeated on the ears of the wind

All of the verses of love descend,

And reflect the force of the departure

The candles laugh

A while...

Then cry,

Upon the shoulder of pathways

Why do I love you?

Is it because you are both revelation and contradiction?

Or because you are that poem closest to God?

Could it be because you are a point in the universe,

Distant from me,

With no path coming to or from?

Why do I love you?

Is it because you offered me in sacrifice to the grass?

Is it because I declared my humanity at your hands,

And died whilst uttering my shahada :

There is no love but you

Why do I love you?

Is it because you light up the dawn with my boulders?

You left with the flowering of the first bud

From the womb of cruelty

Why did you leave... why?

2. I Continue Alone

I disappeared for a time

In those warm eyes

Whilst contemplating

The pleasant drizzle

Concealed inside of them

And playing with a little rainbow...

Why did you turn around and leave me?

I continue alone...

And the path is long and silent

3. A Civilisation Away

How can I promise you,

When the shadows of your eyes

Are a civilisation away from me?

How,

While the sunset

Slumbers heavily between your eyelids,

Then awakens for a short time

To reproach me?

It reproaches me,

And my tears

Spin for it a spider's web

With their lustrous threads

A path...

A path whose lines cleave a way

Between reality and the impossible...

4. Between Two Roses

The White:

Sleep softly,

Upon the breeze's shoulder...

Death amongst the storms

Worries not the winter

The Red:

When I depart,

Do not weep...

Contemplate the grass

And the tiny ant

And the time shall pass swiftly

We shall encounter that which lies between the two truths,

For a short while,

That we might thank the sky

5. The Season Of Apples

I wait for you but you do not come

And after all the seasons of hopelessness have passed,

I await the season of apples

And the autumn of need

You may be tempted by the apple of Eve

Green or red,

It makes no difference to me

So long as you peel the memory,

Gnaw on my patience,

And choke on my agony

You will never be able to stomach

The great mistake of our love

6. Love

My love for you

Is Sufism in moments of absence...

Evoking the impossible

In my memory

7. Desolation

In the shadow of my long hair,

I hasten barefoot

Behind its tresses,

Wherever the wind carries them

And I...

I thought you the wind...

Tell me...

How did you so bore..

..the ancient gardenia

In my hair?

8. The Dough Of Absence

Together we kneaded the dough of absence

How could you leave me hungry?

How can memory ripen,

When the cup of tears is so great

And the road so long?

Together we kneaded the dough of departure

Come back... come back my darling

In your absence...

Everything...

Everything

Loses its meaning

Everything but the salt of your hands

And the taste of ground sugar...

9. In Wartime

I Love You More

In wartime

I love you...

I love you more

For our kiss is hungry,

And the meadow of our meeting is red

Every embrace is the last,

And the bombshell is my mistress

O dark martyr of mine

Our love explodes every day

Whilst our wheat grows tall

I have always loved you...

But in wartime,

I love you,

I love you more

10. Rebellion Of Love

And so I rebel against your love,

Baptised in the waters of forgetfulness

To banish your memory,

I miscarry our kiss

In its seventh month

Like a child, I revolt at our habits,

And befriend the espresso

Instead of the usual cappuccino

I flirt with the strange violet,

And feud with the orchid of life

I break all the records of love,

But delight in the deceitful melodies ...

of the nightly broadcast

I quarrel with the moon,

Blame it and curse it

I destroy all of your gifts

At the peak of its romance

I rebel against being itself

I turn, and I turn,

Until I fall

Into your embrace

And from the force of fatigue and love

I sleep...

11. Waiting

When your spring unfolds in all its glory

I will prostrate myself before your purity o Mother

I will breathe in the fragrance of your hands

And mourn the departure...

Where is the justice o Mother?

How did you give birth to me upon your green grass,

Swaddle me with the violet and the orchid,

And nurse me with the jasmine's dew?

Now I grow,

That I might chase some of your butterflies...

And today... today

I have betrayed the spring o Mother

I have departed,

And in submission, your spring still unfolds

And still you wait in silence

12. The Bride

I am the dead bride

I remember...

I remember how you buried me today,

Wrapped me in my veil,

And cast my heart upon my tomb

You said: I will resurrect you once more

As the grave of olives wept,

The oil candles swelled

With the dark of the night,

And the way was lost...

I am the dead bride

I remember

How I charged the stranger

With washing my long hair

In the sweet taste of the moment,

Till the rain poured down

Tears of glass

And when you returned,

The door of the tomb was open

Awaiting you was the Angel of Death

And in his hand a message

Upon which was written:

She is lost...

Neither earth nor sky

Intervenes on behalf of lovers

13. Tomorrow

Tomorrow she will give birth to death

On a patch of blood,

And life will whisper in remembrance

Tomorrow she will give birth to emptiness,

And swaddle the miscarriage

As the abomination slumbers upon her chest

Teardrops will squirm

From her breasts,

Heralding the beginning of an age of winter

14. Prayer Of A

Syrian Woman

I am a woman...

In my womb are twins

Whom I have carried for three years

I named them: Pain and Hunger...

Should I bear one,

The other would kill me...

It was written that I should carry them always,

Thorny with time

I rest my back against the wall of the Grand Mosque in Aleppo

I pray,

And I do not rest...

I burst into fiery tears before the Church of the Holy Mother in Latakia

I pray,

And I do not rest...

I do not rest...

15. In The Detention Camp

I loved him

From the first moment of our suffering

From the first touch of skin

From the first miracle

A miracle, which with a lash of its whip,

Turned our blood into Damask Rose

By our tongues we were tied...

I do not know how we communed

With the miracle of the second resurrection,

And repeated the fundamental words of the revolution:

We are free

We are free...

16. Mother's Day

When Mother's Day comes

And you are not with me,

Spring withholds its presence,

And the roses strangle their young buds

When Mother's Day arrives

And your sister brings me a present,

I perceive your hidden gifts

In every Mother's Day to come

My little one...

My moment diminishes

And I am absent...

Concealed... invisible...

I cannot be without your love

Tell me

How my heart will bear

The pain of your departure, and the suffering of Mother's Day?

Let me have you back, or let Mother's Day withhold its presence

17. A Memory

O memory...

Take me not to that age

I left a kiss on its door...

And if I must return to it,

Know that I am pregnant

With a hundred figs,

And my childbirth is thorny

Do not take me...

Wait, for the passing

Of all the seasons of grief

Perhaps... just perhaps...

I will return one day,

To make the pilgrimage to its door,

And plant on its grave

A final kiss...

18. Shahrizard's Sunset

Shahrizard would prefer to die once,

Experiencing a moment of true love

Outside of her daily life,

Than to die every day,

Like the corpse of the setting sea

19. Night Of

The Winter Memories

How I long to depart in the night of the winter memories...

I try to recall all that we said,

Relaxing at the commas, and gasping at the full stops

I recall them, and I gather our small things

Your blue summer shirt,

The one we bought from the Sparrow Market

I remember the little window...

You asked me then,

Why did you choose a blue shirt with a window drawn upon it for me?

I knew

That the window would watch over the heart of his four, warm seasons,

And birds and their like would burst forth from it,

Teaching you to sing and to fly,

And to return to my warm nest with the sunset

And your red shirt...

You chose it yourself as a cover,

And from then on,

I applied make-up

To colour the tears...

But you departed

With your white shirt

You departed, and left me searching for it daily,

In the corners of our broken home

20. The Little Shoe

Look at me hugging your little shoe...

I put it on, tracing the steps of your memory

It takes me to a time of warmth and longing,

To feel, once again, the pain of giving birth

So I wait for an hour that never comes,

But I go on waiting

For a day,

A month,

A year,

A whole age,

While the pain of childbirth presses harder,

And I grow older,

Still hugged by your little shoe

21. The Bridge

You bring the salt,

I bring the water...

We meet on the bridge...

I wash your hands,

And you wash mine...

You carry me on your shoulders,

And together, we cross to new life...

22. Memory

I will set fire to my memory,

For I need it no longer...

And yet...

I will watch the ashes fly from afar

23. How Will I Bear The Coming Of Eid?

Tell me, how will I bear the coming of Eid?

I will leave my hair long

To veil the lights of the city

I will scream in the face of every new game,

And every decorated facade

I will crush each tree that stands before me,

Rip out the bells,

And burn my soul in the middle of the great square

O my little one...

How could you leave me

Tearing apart the clothes of Eids to come?

24. The Temple

I slept,

And the dream began...

I was walking in fear

That my legs would fail me,

Upon that journey,

The mage's journey...

I knelt,

Praying

Like parched earth

I wandered through your temple,

Taking my last supper

Upon your boat

I was counting my rosary

Bead by bead,

How I wished it could be longer...

I awoke every sunset

In the season of migration

I slept, and the dream began...

My soul spread its wings,

And a dove took flight,

Cooing:

This is my lover of lovers

25. The Visitor

When you choose to live my madness,

I will receive you as a spoilt child,

And place you in my garden,

To pick what pleases you

Of dreams of childhood

I will feed you candy floss,

Sonnets of flowery, sugary dreams

Together, we will colour the heavens with a rainbow,

And break through the borders of your impossibility

We will soar with coloured balloons,

I will snatch some of your sweets,

And not return them to you

No, I will not remove you from the world of Sesame,

Of Cinderella, and Beauty and the Beast

You will not awake Sleeping Beauty with a kiss,

And we will not return

No, we will not return...

26. Nymph

Do you know when I became a nymph?

The day I came into contact with your equator...

The fires circled my planet,

And I found nothing before me, but the pleasure of diving

Into your red sea

And now here I stand, a nymph of every colour,

Caressing your coral reef...

27. Farewell

O man from Latakia...

The sad streets of your town

Have gathered in your cases

What remains of their burnt boughs,

Then beckoned to you in farewell...

And you,

Like the rest of the dead, have departed

Whilst in your calm eyes,

The night begs for life

And in the silence of your tears,

A beach moves to and fro,

Choking upon each wave

There are boats with no direction,

A harbour, and the faces of all those who stand upon it

Are that of my grandmother,

And all the hands are hers

O man from Latakia...

Before she left, my grandmother gifted to you

Her white veil,

That you might return...

28. Whispering To You

Far away from my memory I limped,

Stripped myself

Of our painful moments,

And began to contemplate the sky

We started to rain together,

And its stars began

To open like eyes,

Speaking to me, between slumber and waking

Then I made my way towards them,

In my intoxication,

Whilst whispering to you

29.The Ceremonies of Farewell

Life has compelled me to master the

ceremonies of farewell, that I might convince you that I am well. It has taught me to fear the heat beneath your lace cap, to freeze our touches and bury them in satin gloves. It has taught me how to be in love with you in secret, behind the black looks, whilst following

my arrogant path in the opposite direction...

30.Crying

Whilst on my way to you,

Your leaves scattered from me

And when we met,

The winter cried

Cried, for so long...

31. Café By The Sea

When fate meets me before the cafe by the sea,

I will not enter...

I will choose to sit in a corner upon the pavement before it

I will not give fate the chance to speak

I will reach out my hand to touch his, and we shall knock upon the door

Of memory together

We shall seek love, together...

Cast off your veil, o fate, and let us place before us a cup of copper,

Into which passers by will toss pennies,

Whose ringing will play deep inside...

32. One Green Leaf

I went to the garden,

Plucked one green leaf,

And began gazing through the gap

Am I the ant, who spent its life gathering crops,

Oblivious to how small it was?

I saw death tired,

The young with hunches upon their backs,

And the old suckling

I saw pebbles flying instead of balloons,

And heard the small voice of Anthony:

Why do you stone me mother?

I cannot die twice...

33. The Little Tent

Life yawns,

And the tears pour down

There, above the little tent,

The winds play their final symphony

The winter in my country

Is a coward

It is afraid to drown alone,

And shelters within the children

There, in the little tent,

The rain pours down,

So long, so long,

That life might be reborn

34. Something

When you touched my hand,

Something throbbed in my heart

It resembled

A snowflake,

A drop of water,

Something warm

How I fear for it...

And how I fear it

35. Your Little Hand

I remember the last time

That I contemplated your little hand…

In it, I beheld a bridge of ivory

Linking the earth to the sky

I glimpsed eyes, from which rivers gushed

To quench its thirst

I saw small green hands

Sprout from it,

And branch out across its boughs

Do you recall the last time

That I placed my ear

Upon your little hand?

The river Thames was playing

Its final song

And the boats were singing that day

Softly…

This, my son,

Is the nature of beginnings…

36. When Mariam Cries

When Mariam cries,

The garden feels like itself once more

Cry…

And the earth will water your soil,

As white butterflies

Soar from your brow

Cry…

And great wings

Will blossom from your arms

When Mariam cries,

Your face will breathe

In another continent,

And it will weep…

Let it cry…

Just maybe,

Life will glimmer through its eyes

37. I Do Not Sleep

Open your hand,

That I might inhale the scent of jasmine

I may sleep…

Life passed by with its seven spectres

And still the white light strays…

Open your hand,

I may sleep…

For your eyes are still

Leaking oil

In my night…

Open your hand,

You may find my tears upon them

Wipe them away…

I may sleep…

38. Anthony…

Do Not Cry

Anthony, my son…

Are you crying?

Listen…

The sad flute

Plays close

To the sky

Anthony,

Don’t cry…

The angel of the lord has told me

That I will bear you

Every day

I may give birth to you

In the tent,

In the market,

Upon the grass,

Upon the road

And each time,

The sound

Of the great drum will ring with passion

And the goddess will be near

But the earth

Will not be refreshed

And the flute will remain,

Drowning in its sadness,

Playing…

Close to the sky

39.What Do Children Do In The Sky?

Where might I heal my scars?

And who is the prophet that will tell me

What children do in the sky?

Does the owner of the Shabandar Café

Read stories

To them,

That he’s borne from the street of Al-Mutannabi?

And do they sleep

Each time the light of the sun is extinguished?

Do they play with stones

And build camps?

Tell me, by the grace of the lord…

What do children do

In the sky?

40. Blessed Are

The Barren

My poem is a child of Damascus,

Silently raining,

Summer and winter,

While the veins of the earth are unquenched

My poem is an orphan of Baghdad,

Of six sects,

And raped as many times,

In the marketplace

My poem…

What good is language

If you are suffering?

Blessed is he who has not borne the pen

And blessed are the barren

41. I Sat Upon The Rock

My life is but three jasmine flowers

I picked the white,

Twiddled it in my hand

It whispered in my ear:

Do not drown me in the blood of Al Sham!

I paid no heed,

And began to respond

Whilst plucking its first petal:

I will die in a boat…

I cry a little,

And blame the earth,

Then I pluck the second:

No! I will die by the barrel…

I sat upon the rock,

And my life was but three jasmine flowers

I plucked the yellow,

Carried it in my hand,

And in it I beheld the face of my infant sister

The scent of the spirit of jasmine emanated from her mouth

I sat upon the rock,

And from it grew a pink flower

I asked it,

I asked it of my father…

And my life,

My life is but three jasmine flowers

42. The Love Fell

When the pain does not leave, we grow used to it entirely,

As the blind may not vanquish the cruelty of night, though long it may last

I saw in your eyes the gate of Ishtar collapsing over the city,

And Babel weeping gently down your cheeks

I saw the sun snatch the jasmine from her hair, crop it short and cast it

Cruelly over the red spots

I said things I do not remember,

And who can recall how many leaves fall when the wind is blowing?

How can they say that “love never falls”?

Your cruelty was concealed inside a wooden Trojan horse,

But in it crept one night, and all there was between us fell

The love fell…

حقوق الطبع والنشر محفوظة لمنشورات لندن العربية

٢٣ شارع بلومزبري- لندن، المملكة المتحدة

تصحيحه أو تصويره أو نقله في أية صورة وبأية وسيلة الكترونية أو

ميكانيكية أو تصويرية أو تسجيلية أو غيرها بدون التصريح المسبق من

منشورات لندن العربية.

London Arabic Publications Ltd

32 Bloomsbury Street

London WC1B 3QJ

England

1st printing 2015 2-02-909069-1-978ISBN

London Arabic Publications Ltd

Website: www.londonarabicpublications.co.uk

Email: [email protected]

Tel: +44(0)207 299 4333