When Mariam Cries
Mariam Michtawi
Translated by
Jake Gordon
Copyright © 2015 by
London Arabic Publications Ltd
32 Bloomsbury Street
London WC1B 3QJ
England
UK
London Arabic Publications Ltd
Website: www.londonarabicpublications.co.uk
Email: [email protected]
Tel: +44(0)207 299 4333
1st printing 2015 2-02-909069-1-ISBN 978
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechnical, photocopying or otherwise, without the prior written permession of the authors and the publisher.
Contributors
Cover Design
Waleed Al Temmimi
Editing Team
Hussein Tahssein
Isobel Ovenden
Shehab Eltawil
Production control
Amr Azap
A word from Mariam
When we lose those who are dearest to us, the world is constricted into a tiny drop of ink, which rolls before stopping stubbornly before the word: "forgetting".
A faithful drop of that which remains of our marginalised arrogance, after a long struggle between reality and the image that we ourselves have drawn in our depths.
An image we have not been able to abandon with ease...
Mariam Michtawi
Poems
1. Why Do I Love You?
1
2. I Continue Alone
2
3. A Civilisation Away
3
4. Between Two Roses
4
5. The Season Of Apples
5
6. Love
6
7. Desolation
7
8. The Dough Of Absence
8
9. In Wartime
I Love You More
9
10. Rebellion Of Love
11
11. Waiting
11
12. The Bride
12
13. Tomorrow
13
14. Prayer Of A Syrian Woman
14
15. In The Detention Camp
15
Poems
16. Mother’s Day
16
17. A Memory
17
18. Shahrizard’s Sunset
18
19. Night Of The
Winter Memories
19
20. The Little Shoe
21
21. The Bridge
21
22. Memory
22
23. How Will I Bear The
Coming Of Eid?
23
24. The Temple
24
25. The Visitor
25
26. Nymph
26
27. Farewell
27
28. Whispering To You
28
29. The Ceremonies of Farewell
29
30. Crying
31
Poems
31. Café By The Sea
31
32. One Green Leaf
32
33. The Little Tent
33
34. Something
34
35. Your Little Hand
35
36. When Mariam Cries
36
37. I Do Not Sleep
37
38. Anthony… Do Not Cry
38
39. What Do Children Do
In The Sky?
39
40. Blessed Are The Barren
41
41. I Sat Upon The Rock
41
42. The Love Fell
42
1. Why Do I Love You?
As the night bursts forth
From the spices of the sea,
Your name is repeated on the ears of the wind
All of the verses of love descend,
And reflect the force of the departure
The candles laugh
A while...
Then cry,
Upon the shoulder of pathways
Why do I love you?
Is it because you are both revelation and contradiction?
Or because you are that poem closest to God?
Could it be because you are a point in the universe,
Distant from me,
With no path coming to or from?
Why do I love you?
Is it because you offered me in sacrifice to the grass?
Is it because I declared my humanity at your hands,
And died whilst uttering my shahada :
There is no love but you
Why do I love you?
Is it because you light up the dawn with my boulders?
You left with the flowering of the first bud
From the womb of cruelty
Why did you leave... why?
2. I Continue Alone
I disappeared for a time
In those warm eyes
Whilst contemplating
The pleasant drizzle
Concealed inside of them
And playing with a little rainbow...
Why did you turn around and leave me?
I continue alone...
And the path is long and silent
3. A Civilisation Away
How can I promise you,
When the shadows of your eyes
Are a civilisation away from me?
How,
While the sunset
Slumbers heavily between your eyelids,
Then awakens for a short time
To reproach me?
It reproaches me,
And my tears
Spin for it a spider's web
With their lustrous threads
A path...
A path whose lines cleave a way
Between reality and the impossible...
4. Between Two Roses
The White:
Sleep softly,
Upon the breeze's shoulder...
Death amongst the storms
Worries not the winter
The Red:
When I depart,
Do not weep...
Contemplate the grass
And the tiny ant
And the time shall pass swiftly
We shall encounter that which lies between the two truths,
For a short while,
That we might thank the sky
5. The Season Of Apples
I wait for you but you do not come
And after all the seasons of hopelessness have passed,
I await the season of apples
And the autumn of need
You may be tempted by the apple of Eve
Green or red,
It makes no difference to me
So long as you peel the memory,
Gnaw on my patience,
And choke on my agony
You will never be able to stomach
The great mistake of our love
6. Love
My love for you
Is Sufism in moments of absence...
Evoking the impossible
In my memory
7. Desolation
In the shadow of my long hair,
I hasten barefoot
Behind its tresses,
Wherever the wind carries them
And I...
I thought you the wind...
Tell me...
How did you so bore..
..the ancient gardenia
In my hair?
8. The Dough Of Absence
Together we kneaded the dough of absence
How could you leave me hungry?
How can memory ripen,
When the cup of tears is so great
And the road so long?
Together we kneaded the dough of departure
Come back... come back my darling
In your absence...
Everything...
Everything
Loses its meaning
Everything but the salt of your hands
And the taste of ground sugar...
9. In Wartime
I Love You More
In wartime
I love you...
I love you more
For our kiss is hungry,
And the meadow of our meeting is red
Every embrace is the last,
And the bombshell is my mistress
O dark martyr of mine
Our love explodes every day
Whilst our wheat grows tall
I have always loved you...
But in wartime,
I love you,
I love you more
10. Rebellion Of Love
And so I rebel against your love,
Baptised in the waters of forgetfulness
To banish your memory,
I miscarry our kiss
In its seventh month
Like a child, I revolt at our habits,
And befriend the espresso
Instead of the usual cappuccino
I flirt with the strange violet,
And feud with the orchid of life
I break all the records of love,
But delight in the deceitful melodies ...
of the nightly broadcast
I quarrel with the moon,
Blame it and curse it
I destroy all of your gifts
At the peak of its romance
I rebel against being itself
I turn, and I turn,
Until I fall
Into your embrace
And from the force of fatigue and love
I sleep...
11. Waiting
When your spring unfolds in all its glory
I will prostrate myself before your purity o Mother
I will breathe in the fragrance of your hands
And mourn the departure...
Where is the justice o Mother?
How did you give birth to me upon your green grass,
Swaddle me with the violet and the orchid,
And nurse me with the jasmine's dew?
Now I grow,
That I might chase some of your butterflies...
And today... today
I have betrayed the spring o Mother
I have departed,
And in submission, your spring still unfolds
And still you wait in silence
12. The Bride
I am the dead bride
I remember...
I remember how you buried me today,
Wrapped me in my veil,
And cast my heart upon my tomb
You said: I will resurrect you once more
As the grave of olives wept,
The oil candles swelled
With the dark of the night,
And the way was lost...
I am the dead bride
I remember
How I charged the stranger
With washing my long hair
In the sweet taste of the moment,
Till the rain poured down
Tears of glass
And when you returned,
The door of the tomb was open
Awaiting you was the Angel of Death
And in his hand a message
Upon which was written:
She is lost...
Neither earth nor sky
Intervenes on behalf of lovers
13. Tomorrow
Tomorrow she will give birth to death
On a patch of blood,
And life will whisper in remembrance
Tomorrow she will give birth to emptiness,
And swaddle the miscarriage
As the abomination slumbers upon her chest
Teardrops will squirm
From her breasts,
Heralding the beginning of an age of winter
14. Prayer Of A
Syrian Woman
I am a woman...
In my womb are twins
Whom I have carried for three years
I named them: Pain and Hunger...
Should I bear one,
The other would kill me...
It was written that I should carry them always,
Thorny with time
I rest my back against the wall of the Grand Mosque in Aleppo
I pray,
And I do not rest...
I burst into fiery tears before the Church of the Holy Mother in Latakia
I pray,
And I do not rest...
I do not rest...
15. In The Detention Camp
I loved him
From the first moment of our suffering
From the first touch of skin
From the first miracle
A miracle, which with a lash of its whip,
Turned our blood into Damask Rose
By our tongues we were tied...
I do not know how we communed
With the miracle of the second resurrection,
And repeated the fundamental words of the revolution:
We are free
We are free
We are free...
16. Mother's Day
When Mother's Day comes
And you are not with me,
Spring withholds its presence,
And the roses strangle their young buds
When Mother's Day arrives
And your sister brings me a present,
I perceive your hidden gifts
In every Mother's Day to come
My little one...
My moment diminishes
And I am absent...
Concealed... invisible...
I cannot be without your love
Tell me
How my heart will bear
The pain of your departure, and the suffering of Mother's Day?
Let me have you back, or let Mother's Day withhold its presence
17. A Memory
O memory...
Take me not to that age
I left a kiss on its door...
And if I must return to it,
Know that I am pregnant
With a hundred figs,
And my childbirth is thorny
Do not take me...
Wait, for the passing
Of all the seasons of grief
Perhaps... just perhaps...
I will return one day,
To make the pilgrimage to its door,
And plant on its grave
A final kiss...
18. Shahrizard's Sunset
Shahrizard would prefer to die once,
Experiencing a moment of true love
Outside of her daily life,
Than to die every day,
Like the corpse of the setting sea
19. Night Of
The Winter Memories
How I long to depart in the night of the winter memories...
I try to recall all that we said,
Relaxing at the commas, and gasping at the full stops
I recall them, and I gather our small things
Your blue summer shirt,
The one we bought from the Sparrow Market
I remember the little window...
You asked me then,
Why did you choose a blue shirt with a window drawn upon it for me?
I knew
That the window would watch over the heart of his four, warm seasons,
And birds and their like would burst forth from it,
Teaching you to sing and to fly,
And to return to my warm nest with the sunset
And your red shirt...
You chose it yourself as a cover,
And from then on,
I applied make-up
To colour the tears...
But you departed
With your white shirt
You departed, and left me searching for it daily,
In the corners of our broken home
20. The Little Shoe
Look at me hugging your little shoe...
I put it on, tracing the steps of your memory
It takes me to a time of warmth and longing,
To feel, once again, the pain of giving birth
So I wait for an hour that never comes,
But I go on waiting
For a day,
A month,
A year,
A whole age,
While the pain of childbirth presses harder,
And I grow older,
Still hugged by your little shoe
21. The Bridge
You bring the salt,
I bring the water...
We meet on the bridge...
I wash your hands,
And you wash mine...
You carry me on your shoulders,
And together, we cross to new life...
22. Memory
I will set fire to my memory,
For I need it no longer...
And yet...
I will watch the ashes fly from afar
23. How Will I Bear The Coming Of Eid?
Tell me, how will I bear the coming of Eid?
I will leave my hair long
To veil the lights of the city
I will scream in the face of every new game,
And every decorated facade
I will crush each tree that stands before me,
Rip out the bells,
And burn my soul in the middle of the great square
O my little one...
How could you leave me
Tearing apart the clothes of Eids to come?
24. The Temple
I slept,
And the dream began...
I was walking in fear
That my legs would fail me,
Upon that journey,
The mage's journey...
I knelt,
Praying
Like parched earth
I wandered through your temple,
Taking my last supper
Upon your boat
I was counting my rosary
Bead by bead,
How I wished it could be longer...
I awoke every sunset
In the season of migration
I slept, and the dream began...
My soul spread its wings,
And a dove took flight,
Cooing:
This is my lover of lovers
25. The Visitor
When you choose to live my madness,
I will receive you as a spoilt child,
And place you in my garden,
To pick what pleases you
Of dreams of childhood
I will feed you candy floss,
Sonnets of flowery, sugary dreams
Together, we will colour the heavens with a rainbow,
And break through the borders of your impossibility
We will soar with coloured balloons,
I will snatch some of your sweets,
And not return them to you
No, I will not remove you from the world of Sesame,
Of Cinderella, and Beauty and the Beast
You will not awake Sleeping Beauty with a kiss,
And we will not return
No, we will not return...
26. Nymph
Do you know when I became a nymph?
The day I came into contact with your equator...
The fires circled my planet,
And I found nothing before me, but the pleasure of diving
Into your red sea
And now here I stand, a nymph of every colour,
Caressing your coral reef...
27. Farewell
O man from Latakia...
The sad streets of your town
Have gathered in your cases
What remains of their burnt boughs,
Then beckoned to you in farewell...
And you,
Like the rest of the dead, have departed
Whilst in your calm eyes,
The night begs for life
And in the silence of your tears,
A beach moves to and fro,
Choking upon each wave
There are boats with no direction,
A harbour, and the faces of all those who stand upon it
Are that of my grandmother,
And all the hands are hers
O man from Latakia...
Before she left, my grandmother gifted to you
Her white veil,
That you might return...
28. Whispering To You
Far away from my memory I limped,
Stripped myself
Of our painful moments,
And began to contemplate the sky
We started to rain together,
And its stars began
To open like eyes,
Speaking to me, between slumber and waking
Then I made my way towards them,
In my intoxication,
Whilst whispering to you
29.The Ceremonies of Farewell
Life has compelled me to master the
ceremonies of farewell, that I might convince you that I am well. It has taught me to fear the heat beneath your lace cap, to freeze our touches and bury them in satin gloves. It has taught me how to be in love with you in secret, behind the black looks, whilst following
my arrogant path in the opposite direction...
30.Crying
Whilst on my way to you,
Your leaves scattered from me
And when we met,
The winter cried
Cried, for so long...
31. Café By The Sea
When fate meets me before the cafe by the sea,
I will not enter...
I will choose to sit in a corner upon the pavement before it
I will not give fate the chance to speak
I will reach out my hand to touch his, and we shall knock upon the door
Of memory together
We shall seek love, together...
Cast off your veil, o fate, and let us place before us a cup of copper,
Into which passers by will toss pennies,
Whose ringing will play deep inside...
32. One Green Leaf
I went to the garden,
Plucked one green leaf,
And began gazing through the gap
Am I the ant, who spent its life gathering crops,
Oblivious to how small it was?
I saw death tired,
The young with hunches upon their backs,
And the old suckling
I saw pebbles flying instead of balloons,
And heard the small voice of Anthony:
Why do you stone me mother?
I cannot die twice...
33. The Little Tent
Life yawns,
And the tears pour down
There, above the little tent,
The winds play their final symphony
The winter in my country
Is a coward
It is afraid to drown alone,
And shelters within the children
There, in the little tent,
The rain pours down,
So long, so long,
That life might be reborn
34. Something
When you touched my hand,
Something throbbed in my heart
It resembled
A snowflake,
A drop of water,
Something warm
How I fear for it...
And how I fear it
35. Your Little Hand
I remember the last time
That I contemplated your little hand…
In it, I beheld a bridge of ivory
Linking the earth to the sky
I glimpsed eyes, from which rivers gushed
To quench its thirst
I saw small green hands
Sprout from it,
And branch out across its boughs
Do you recall the last time
That I placed my ear
Upon your little hand?
The river Thames was playing
Its final song
And the boats were singing that day
Softly…
Softly…
This, my son,
Is the nature of beginnings…
36. When Mariam Cries
When Mariam cries,
The garden feels like itself once more
Cry…
And the earth will water your soil,
As white butterflies
Soar from your brow
Cry…
And great wings
Will blossom from your arms
When Mariam cries,
Your face will breathe
In another continent,
And it will weep…
Let it cry…
Just maybe,
Life will glimmer through its eyes
37. I Do Not Sleep
Open your hand,
That I might inhale the scent of jasmine
I may sleep…
Life passed by with its seven spectres
And still the white light strays…
Open your hand,
I may sleep…
For your eyes are still
Leaking oil
In my night…
Open your hand,
You may find my tears upon them
Wipe them away…
I may sleep…
38. Anthony…
Do Not Cry
Anthony, my son…
Are you crying?
Listen…
The sad flute
Plays close
To the sky
Anthony,
Don’t cry…
The angel of the lord has told me
That I will bear you
Every day
I may give birth to you
In the tent,
In the market,
Upon the grass,
Upon the road
And each time,
The sound
Of the great drum will ring with passion
And the goddess will be near
But the earth
Will not be refreshed
And the flute will remain,
Drowning in its sadness,
Playing…
Close to the sky
39.What Do Children Do In The Sky?
Where might I heal my scars?
And who is the prophet that will tell me
What children do in the sky?
Does the owner of the Shabandar Café
Read stories
To them,
That he’s borne from the street of Al-Mutannabi?
And do they sleep
Each time the light of the sun is extinguished?
Do they play with stones
And build camps?
Tell me, by the grace of the lord…
What do children do
In the sky?
40. Blessed Are
The Barren
My poem is a child of Damascus,
Silently raining,
Summer and winter,
While the veins of the earth are unquenched
My poem is an orphan of Baghdad,
Of six sects,
And raped as many times,
In the marketplace
My poem…
What good is language
If you are suffering?
Blessed is he who has not borne the pen
And blessed are the barren
41. I Sat Upon The Rock
My life is but three jasmine flowers
I picked the white,
Twiddled it in my hand
It whispered in my ear:
Do not drown me in the blood of Al Sham!
I paid no heed,
And began to respond
Whilst plucking its first petal:
I will die in a boat…
I cry a little,
And blame the earth,
Then I pluck the second:
No! I will die by the barrel…
I sat upon the rock,
And my life was but three jasmine flowers
I plucked the yellow,
Carried it in my hand,
And in it I beheld the face of my infant sister
The scent of the spirit of jasmine emanated from her mouth
I sat upon the rock,
And from it grew a pink flower
I asked it,
I asked it of my father…
And my life,
My life is but three jasmine flowers
42. The Love Fell
When the pain does not leave, we grow used to it entirely,
As the blind may not vanquish the cruelty of night, though long it may last
I saw in your eyes the gate of Ishtar collapsing over the city,
And Babel weeping gently down your cheeks
I saw the sun snatch the jasmine from her hair, crop it short and cast it
Cruelly over the red spots
I said things I do not remember,
And who can recall how many leaves fall when the wind is blowing?
How can they say that “love never falls”?
Your cruelty was concealed inside a wooden Trojan horse,
But in it crept one night, and all there was between us fell
The love fell…
حقوق الطبع والنشر محفوظة لمنشورات لندن العربية
٢٣ شارع بلومزبري- لندن، المملكة المتحدة
جميع الحقوق محفوظة وممنوع إعادة طبع أي جزء من الكتاب أو حفظه بعد
تصحيحه أو تصويره أو نقله في أية صورة وبأية وسيلة الكترونية أو
ميكانيكية أو تصويرية أو تسجيلية أو غيرها بدون التصريح المسبق من
منشورات لندن العربية.
Copyright © 2015 by
London Arabic Publications Ltd
32 Bloomsbury Street
London WC1B 3QJ
England
UK
1st printing 2015 2-02-909069-1-978ISBN
London Arabic Publications Ltd
Website: www.londonarabicpublications.co.uk
Email: [email protected]
Tel: +44(0)207 299 4333